Some days,,,,,

This winter with no end is not helping at all to see how much different we are to other families.
Most of the time I talk to my self into not thinking about it... 90 % of the time I don't. I feel like everyone else.
My girl goes to school like any kid her age and she does sports (adapted but sports) and has afternoon activities ( you can call piano or ballet for us is more therapy)
We go to restaurants and she eats chicken fingers and french fries like kids her age... or burgers at her favorite place "Five Guys" and loves ice cream
Enjoys swimming and the playground.
Yeah yeah... so far everything looks the same....

But there are days where the moon is just too shiny or my mood is off and the planets are not aligned right that brings my most horrible sense that WE ARE NOT THE SAME....

While most enjoy playing in the snow... we can't do it.. because our sensitive skin can't tolerate so much clothing on... and sadly our high tolerance to pain doesn't alert us when we are so cold that must people know when to stop and go inside to warm themselves again...
We have to control it but we can't.

Besides this winter with no end has messed up our schedule so bad.....
What most people don't understand is that for us to function, we MUST be a very sincronized oil machine.
We must have a perfect routine that allow us to have a good life.
we can breake the routine once in a while and its ok... we can do it.. we adjust and move on,,
We breake the routine more than once... Well... we are not ok.. we have dificulty accepting that we are not on a one time thing....
when we break this routine for more than a week .. lets say a month then we lose a lot of progress.
Very basic things get on the way and frustration becomes an unwelcome guest who brings the worst and confusion all around us.
By default I become frustrated and angry. and yes.. I say why me....
And I look out the window where other kids are sliding enjoying yet another snow day....
and here I am... hoping to get some kind of routine, some kind of normal for us.
I look like a anti social person.... who rather stay inside.. but just inside is where I can try to survive.

So what should I feel?

Angry at the kids for sliding outside of my window?
Angry at my life for having my stile of kid?
Angry at my self for not pushing her to go out and hang out in the cold with the other kids?

What would you do if you were me?

Not easy to be in someone else shoes...

I know we all have issues... mine probably are nothing.... but sometimes.... some days... they are really hard.....

Autism in a bad winter....

A mom posted in her blog about bad Winter we are experiencing this year...
My God!!! I swear I read it and laughed so hard... its true!!!! its terrible... schools cancel every day every other day or have delay hours... then the roads are covered in snow or ice or both!!. the generators are on... but we only can have the refrigerator on or the furnace, or we can charge our electronics but we don't have hot water.....

And then there is us.... an autistic Family who live by the love of routine... where the toaster has to work every single morning to make Gabby her waffles, the coffee maker saves my husband day and I relay on Internet to play on facebook my farms or go to Pinterest to find another crochet project to keep me sane....

Gabby has been good.... but the Ipad can work so long until it needs to be re charged... and then she wants to go to her bedroom.. but its freezing cold and we have to convince her that socks are not optional now and she must wear her thick pants and shirts.... and in her mind she only uses them when she goes out!!!
Netflix... dear love Netflix with your cartoons and movies that keep Gabby happy.... where are you????

The look on her eyes of desperation and frustration because the icon is there and the movies dont come up!!! why???? why??????
mommy cant help her... Daddy cant help her... and she keeps requesting over and over cereal and going out....
to the point that she took a picture of herself at the beach pointed at it and cried.....

I understand my loving girl... I do... so much I want to curl next to you and cry too.... this winter is hard... but we can do it....

we'll have the best spring and summer ever!!!!