For Aziza

Well.. I spend lots of time on my computer, reading about autism, down syndrome, IEPs, ABA, and I dont know how many other new things that my friends suggest or they had tried with their kids... all new studies, all crazy remedies, play times... fun things to do...
then I try to do as many as I can.
Most of these ideas are on Facebook... meaning.. I do spend quite some time there and I find myself thinking on many people who have kids like mine as part of a very special circle. Some of them I know just on Facebook and I read their posts, once in a while I respond to some of their comments...
Some of them I kind of get closer and get interested in their lives as I see a lot of similar situations.
I know I wont be able to meet a huge number of these "friends" but I know I will keep them always "Close to me".
So one I get to read about any of this friends having their kids get sick, going to doctors appointments, having surgeries, having a hard time at school, getting bullied.. It hurts. Because I can put myself in their shoes... I know how it feels to have to all those doctor appointments, I know what it feels to deal with crazy insurance loops, I know about the tantrums, I know about the looks... I know about the feelings of not fitting in...

The one thing I can not relate and I really hope I don't ever have to relate to, is the lost of a child.
I cant imagine, nor I want to feel that way.
My life has been my daugther for the past 7 years... all I do, all I feel, all I fight for is always with her in mind.
So... to imagine wake up and she is not with me....  No... I cant even go there....

I don't know what to say to these friends who have to be at home and their little one is not there anymore... How do you say I'm sorry? sometimes I'm sorry feels not enough.
I do want to hug them, to cry with them, to tell them it will be ok...
My religion says that we can go to heaven. Our kids have Not even a mean thought... so I do believe they all will be going to God. ...

I had hugged Gabby so hard this week... I had told her I love you over and over and over again...
I had kissed her tons.... even when she pushes me away..
I see in her eyes that she loves me back..
She might not be able to say it.. but our hearts are connected beyond words...

If you are reading me today... Say a prayer. Maybe many prayers will help heal a mom's broken heart and give her some comfort..
Aziza... We pray for you today