Dia #17 Sleep .. where are you???

Most moms of kids with ASD have the lack of sleep as one of our main things in commun.
God this is hard!! no wonder has been use as a tool in wars and intense interrogations... It is horrible to be sleep deprived.
Hard on the moms and dads and hard in the kids their sibilings and even the pets!. the whole household schedule goes upside down.

It hurts to see those dark circles under our kids eyes. They yawn, rub their eyes, have melt downs but still cant find a way to fall asleep again.
For many falling asleep is the hard part, for others staying asleep is the issue.
sometimes it happens once a week, sometimes its a whole week, an even the month or months....
when these days pile up, we keep going on solely on our will to keep going. To try to catch up with the days and hope our kids can get going on their schedule too.
We have been late to school so many times that we get letters from the school about that, one more thing to add to our regular amount of problems.
She goes late to school and the domino effect starts, I'm late to cook, attempt to clean, get some laundry done, get the dog out, get groceries, take a shower.....by the time I'm even aware of the time I have to pick her up and hear she fell asleep at school too.... and missed a therapy there...
so back home and attempt to do our afternoon schedule which of course WE are not in the mood to do....
and now we are all looking forward to sleep... but you are so, so, so tired that once you are in bed, the last thing you do is actually falling asleep.....

I should use ear plugs right???  Well I do... but I don't know if it is a mommy thing.. but the moment I hear her... even a slight sound.. I'm aware of it... and if she keeps making sounds I' analyzing her sounds... Pain? bathroom? fear? play time? what is the sound meaning....

Some nights I hope I'm that tired that I wont hear her... but I feel bad for feeling that way... why if tonight is the night she needs me?
Why do I worry so much about her at night??  Why cant I just let her make noises and keep sleeping?
Because I love her. Because I cant. I just cant. I have the need to make sure she is ok.
it's a habit? maybe. painful but I do it.
Call me silly or any other way... but this is me.